New Blog

I'm scrapping this one, and now am at:

kentonmast.wordpress.com

Change

Everything changes. And in that way, everything really stays the same.

So why do I still resist change?

Unplugged

I was listening to Mark Driscoll last night. Incredible, God-believing pastor. Heck yeah for Podcast's. He's really reclaiming what it looks like to be a Bible-based Christian, in a man's way. He just brings this testosterone packed punch of what it looks like to be a real, authentic follower of Christ.

One part of the sermon I was in was just taking time for you and God. Get away. Unplug. No music, cell phone, laptop.. I admit I'm violating all of those right now without even thinking about it. But it's kind of hard to blog without a computer, isn't it..

I find that no people will ever satisfy the deepest desires of my heart. I'm all for fellowship with others, don't get me wrong. But we need a healthy dose of: 1) Time with God, 2) Time with Christians, 3) Time with non-Christians.

Time with God should really just be about you and God. No distractions. Get out of your bedroom, get into the real world, praise Him in real ways. Experience Him. Go for a hike, turn off the cell phone for a day..

We have to have time with Christians. How else are we going to get corrected? Taught? Grown? Out of our comfort zone? We need Christians! Can't emphasize that enough.

But we also need to get real with ourselves. This is not a Christian world. And how is our faith going to become authentic when all we do is stay with each other? When we only hang out with Christians, we're only hanging out with people who affirm our own beliefs. The great thing about College is that there are so many people who can challenge us. We shouldn't be swayed by unBiblical persuasion, but we should be tested by fire. Take some risks. I'm guilty of not taking enough risks.

So anyway, there's a challenge. Turn off the phones, computers, Ipods.. take a day away. Talk to God, about everything. Tell Him what's up, what's good, what's bad, what you want, what you need, what you feel, where you want to grow.. and let His will be done, and not our own.

When It Rains..

I was watching the movie Fireproof the other day, because there are several parts of it that I think are amazing. In the one part, the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller plays. It's really inspirational, and great.. and so unlike the actual experience of having to wait on God. I mean.. it's an incredibly moving song, coupled with an equally great scene.. in a wonderful movie.

But when we wait on the Lord.. there isn't any music playing. We don't see the romanticized, Hollywood version of our story before our eyes, equipped with cut scenes and sweeping shots, all the while knowing how the movie will probably turn out. We get to wait. We get to experience the uncertainty of having to trust God with our situation. And that is about it.

I'm at a part in my life where that is the main theme. Waiting. Waiting is dreadfully dismal. To point back to my last post, I'm used to everything pretty quick in life. I want food warmer? Microwave for 30 seconds. I want to know the temperature outside? Check the internet. It's the waiting.. that really gets to me. And these are things more important than cold food and ridiculous Pennsylvania weather.

Tonight in Bible Study we talked about the Old Testament character Hannah. What a story. She can't give birth, so she prays, and vows to give the child to God. So she gives birth. And voila, has to give the son away to God. She made that sacrifice. The Lord gives, and He takes away.

Part of me is ruthlessly bitter at that. I'm not in control. We get so hung up on control. And that is one of the reasons that God is so hard to grasp. That there's this being, except He's highly personal, who wants a relationship with us, who wants to show us His love.. but we don't really have the control. He does.

I said how part of me is really bitter at that. There's also a part of me that, upon realizing the gravity of the situation, is so happy that I'm not in control, nor do I have to be. I think that's my problem. I'm living and dealing with my situations as if I am the person in primary control. Well knock knock, whose there, it's God, and He's taken it back.

Matt Carson, tonight at Bible Study, brought up a great point which Bryan had used as a sermon illustration. We need to hold things with open palms. Care for the things we are entrusted with, be good stewards of those things.. but not to clench them. Ultimately those things were give to us by God. And if God decides to take them away, if we have clenched fists, He's going to have to pry them away. And that gets messy.

Maybe waiting isn't so terrible with the correct mindset. I think I've been waiting around, and grumbling about why God isn't fulfilling my wishes faster. Instead I should be WAITING.. willingly. Patiently. No strings attached.

The lyrics to the song by John Waller:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Until I can learn to hold these things with open palms, I'm only making it harder for myself. God is in control, and I'm not. It's so freeing, but so hard to embrace.

The Gospel of America: Gratification

Lately, my plans for life have just absolutely been going awry. I mean I know God is in control, it's just so hard to focus on the things He is in control of, when I compare them to the areas He has let go of for the time being. Not to say He isn't in control of even those areas, He is. But in order for us to grow into anything, we need to trust God especially with the areas that seem the rockiest.

I've been moping about lately, focusing as usual too much on the things that are wrong, and I realized that I'm so used to everything just.. working. I wake up in my warm bed, go and take a hot shower, get on my laptop to check the weather, maybe send a few text messages, and go about the rest of my day.

But life, as we all can attest to, doesn't flow the way we want it to all the time. Maybe in the middle of the night, I kick the sheets off of my bed and wake up freezing. Then head quickly to the shower, but some circumstance leaves the water just a little colder than I wanted. And the internet is only great when it works. So I step outside to realize that it's pretty cold to have to walk ten minutes to Morgan for my 9am, when the class itself only lasts fifteen minutes. And for some reason my phone might not work. And maybe on the way back into my house, I stub my toe.

I've got to be honest, I have never had a day where all those things have occurred. But I have had some big waves hit my life, and it's so easy to ask.. Where are you, God? Are you even there?

What I'm getting at is this; I have become so accustomed to instant gratification. I want the water hot in the morning, I want my technology to work at the flick of a switch, or press of the button. I want it all. Bigger. Better. Faster. Now.

I'm not at all saying that having these things is bad. The more that we have, the more we can be responsible with, and grow as Christians. To whom much is given, much is tested. I am saying, however, that when we get everything that we want, instantly, it's so much easier to doubt God. It's so much easier to say there can't be anything else. Because under the mindset of instant gratification lies the god of self reliance.

I know in my own life, that when I get it all right away, I get comfortable. I get soft. So in a way.. it's comforting to realize.. that I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to see tomorrow. I don't know if anything is going to work out the way I wish it would.

But I do know that even as I'm writing this.. that God has blessed me with the most compassionate people in my life. That He has truly created men and women in His image, to be able to Love. So for once in my life.. I'm happy with not knowing anything at all.

Searching for God Knows What

I love reading. God has created some incredibly inspirational people, who have equally inspirational things to say. The following quotes are from Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What, and in it Miller very simply, yet effectively, explains why we are the way we are. The human condition. The first of these quotes builds up to the second one effectively.

But what we really need is God. What we really need is somebody who loves us so much we don't worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor, or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes. (Referring to Adam and Eve.)We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this so our relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find ourselves for the first time, not by realizing some dream, but by being told who we are by the only Being who has the authority to know.

I love this next quote, and I think it has such a powerful way of speaking to anyone who really thinks about it. This next portion is one of the greatest things I've ever read.

If a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or touch, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is not coincidence that Jesus walks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love.

I know that in my own life, when I don't feel loved, I go looking for it. But it's so comforting to know that there is only one place to truly find it. No doubt we can get glimpses of it here and there, but we can only get the full picture through Christ, and His sacrifice for us. It is through Christ that all things are made new. And it is only through Christ that we are given the purest image of love, without all the things that mess us up as humans.

Saturday Night Live: Dateline

Kris showed me this video, and it's so good.

The Gospel of America: Pockets

One time Amanda was telling me of an older man who would come into her McDonald's and bother the girls who worked there. We all know the type. The kind of men who believe things like "Even though I keep getting older, the girls just keep getting younger." This guy moved a step beyond these personal beliefs, and put them into action. He flirted with these girls, he grabbed at their arms and hands.. He was what we call a pervert; a gross old guy who didn't have much of a filter on his thoughts or actions.

And I couldn't help but feel extremely helpless in the situation. I was four hours away at the time, and couldn't do much but just encourage her to avoid him at all costs.

Recently I was sitting in a booth at that McDonald's, reading a Psychology text book. A man sat a table away from me and began eating his food. I didn't think much of it. We struck up a conversation about Psychology; how he had gone to school for it and studied it for years before deciding just to work full time. We began talking about things that went under the surface level of conversation. He brought up what he called "inner secrecies," which was just a way of saying that everyone has these areas in their lives that they will protect with all they have. For example, someone who has been molested as a child can repress these memories and cause them to act out in bizarre ways. He went onto say that these things can only be fixed when the person accepts Christ as their savior, and can become brand new. All of their hurts, sins, and baggage are cast onto Him, and they are a new creation.

I was impressed at both his level of intellect, and that he outwardly told me, a stranger, about Christ. I noticed Amanda was trying to get my attention, so I went over to her, and she told me that the man I was talking to was "the pervert" who grabbed at her arm, and made comments about her freckles and dimples.

I couldn't believe it. With all of my heart I didn't want to believe this man was the same man she described. We were clearly describing two different people; yet they are one and the same. I was reminded instantly of what another friend once said to me: "Who isn't a Christian in Pennsylvania?"

This phrase has always stuck with me, and challenged me. I always think of it as so neat. Having been in Christian education all my life, I've been a fairly sheltered kid. Everyone in elementary school and middle school were Christians, because they were born Christians. They gave Christian answers. Their parents were Christians. However as I grew, I began to notice that there were many who grew up as Christians who had no idea what Christianity was even about. Myself included.

Now I am not called to judge people who do not believe. It is Gods job to judge. But when it comes to other Christians, or those who profess the name of Christ, I am called to hold dear the name of Christ and all it stands for. He has saved me from all I am, and He is continuing it in my life. He is an active force.

So it deeply perplexed me that this man would speak of Christ with passion and candor. Yet his actions displayed a very different part of him. So much were these two parts of his life separated, that I doubt he even noticed that they were in direction violation of each other. In one pocket he was a pervert. A creeper. A man who if ever confronted about such things would respond "It's the way God made me." Yet another pocket of his life contained a faith that looked and sounded so authentic.

But who in Pennsylvania isn't Christian? And isn't it kind of true?

Ok, so not everyone is a Christian in this state. But let's just say it's accepted. It's tolerated. It's kind of common. But Christ wasn't preaching a gospel of ease, comfort, or.. pockets.

Christ told his followers that if their salt loses it's saltiness, it is good for nothing. He told them that if they are neither warm nor cold, they will be spat out. He said to let our light shine before men. He said, wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. He said by our fruit, by our actions, we will be recognized for who we are.

A faith like that has no room for pockets. It's all or nothing. Sure, we make mistakes. We sin. We suck. But something deeply bothered me that this man could live with such divisiveness within himself. That his heart belonged to two masters.

And it made me realize that my own heart is dangerously similar. That I too have my pockets where I don't let Jesus in. Whether it's the words I speak, the things I attend to, the idols in my life I serve..

"If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."

Which pockets have you kept to yourself?

Because in a place where "everyone is a Christian," the real challenge is not believing in Christ. The real hardship lies in living an authentic faith in word and deed.

One Nation Under God

I don't know much about politics, and I don't really have too much of an interest in it altogether. I do have a concern for this country though, being one of it's citizens and all.

I love certain aspects of this country. It's where I was born, it's where I live, it's where I would like to continue to live. I've had so many wonderful memories here. I've felt the coolness of Autumn approaching off the lakes of Minnesota. I've seen Maine and Vermont in the winter. I've been to numerous beaches and basked in the sun. I love those things. I think we have a wonderful amount of diversity too, when we stop to think about it.

But there are things I don't like. I'm unsettled by turning on the news and hearing the latest number of casualties in nearby cities. I hate that there are so many people living with amazing amounts of wealth, and so many people dying without a dime.

Barack Obama was recently elected President, and with the state of this country, he really has a lot on his plate. No President has an easy job. I stuck up for George W. Bush every time that I could. The press hounded his flaws, and he didn't always make it easy either. Now we have another man in his place, and already I'm seeing people grumble amongst themselves.

There's one thing that isn't going to solve anything, and that is grumbling. You think Obama isn't changing us for the better? Then YOU take action. As a Christian, it's my job to uphold justice, peace, and love. And with as many 'Christians' as there are in this country, shouldn't things look a little different? It's because we, myself included, do not do enough. Somebody else will do it, someone else always does it. Well that's pretty lazy.

We shouldn't be relying on a President to come along who agree's with our ideas of Christ in order to change the world. WE should be the change. We have a terribly large responsibility now, in some regards. Obama is a Democrat, and they generally go for the pro-choice stance, for example. So if as a Christian, I think that abortion is wrong, what would be a loving way of going about trying to abolish it? Donating money to organizations that spread awareness of abstinence/safe sex practices, for example. One thing that would not be a good idea is going outside of abortion clinics with picket signs telling people they're going to hell. Would Jesus be standing with you holding a picket sign in that situation? Highly doubtful, if not most improbable.

Obama is a Democrat. Should that matter to Conservative Christians? Jesus is bigger than political labels. There are some good things I see in Obama's campaign. I don't agree with it all, but I don't have to. He is my President, and I will respect him as a person. I don't have to follow every one of his whims, but I have faith in the long run, that there will be much good that can come of anything that God wills. Jesus wasn't conservative, Jesus wasn't liberal, Jesus prayed to the Father, and let His will be done. If our grumbling is outweighing the time we spend praying for our country and our president, I think that is focusing on the wrong thing.

Patience In The Storm

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

A lesson I am continuing to learn is one of patience. Because there are times when I feel that I am doing what is right, and noble, and fair, but God has other plans. And it's not that my plans were bad, but maybe I couldn't see the consequences of letting them go unchecked.

It's not that God is up in Heaven, bored out of His mind, trying to screw with my life for entertainment. It's that He loves me too much to leave me as I am. There are areas that I would be perfectly content with just leaving alone, and letting them play out.

But God isn't a being of complacency. He is building, shaping, and sharpening each individual who is saved by His grace; but that re-working of our souls doesn't just happen. It takes failures, defeats, and hardship to rescue us from ourselves. We can't just build ourselves, we can't try to figure things out alone. We need to be honest with God, and say "Ok, I don't know what's going on, I don't know why You're letting this happen, but I trust that You know what You are doing."

And to be honest, I don't know what's going on. I don't know why God is closing some of the doors that He is slamming shut. I don't know why now. But I will. The beginning gives us a mark of reference, that we can look to in order to see our progress. The journey is when we face difficulties, crawl through our muck, and decipher God's loving discipline from Satan's shame. And at the end, we can look back and see why each decision lead us to where we end up.

Our lives amass so much pain and hurt, but there is one who faced it all. One who lived, died, and lives.. for me, in me, and with me.

I don't have to know, right now, why these situations and losses are happening. But in the end, I will be able to see God's perfect plan, working in my imperfect life.

The Blizzard Man

This is a bit of an awkward transition from the last post. However, I have two main mindsets in my life; there's the serious side, and then there's the side of me that finds Andy Samberg amazing. This is the latter of the two..

Concerning Evangelism..

Last year, I despised Christians who tried to impress their beliefs upon the hearts of unbelievers. I even said, among people who were not Christians, "I love Christ, but not other Christians."

I've come a long way regarding Evangelism. I think up until a year ago, I didn't even recognize WHY Christians were trying to convert people. At the end of Matthew, Jesus says;

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I'm not even sure I knew Jesus said that. I thought that my 'evangelism' was to live a righteous life, and expect other people to see my lifestyle, and wonder what was 'different' about me, causing them to approach me, and I would lead them off to church and everything would end peachy.

Well it's true that as Christians, our lifestyles should reflect that of Jesus and we should be a light unto the world. But I was expecting unbelievers to come to me, which is the opposite of what Jesus commanded of me. So I was having some focus issues.

After I figured out that my beliefs were nothing that needed to be hidden, sometimes I got a bit militant about my faith. I would try to argue people into the kingdom, so to speak. I would try to prove them wrong, and when they would see the flaws in their theories, of course I could convert them. Well that's all well and good, but it doesn't happen like that. Scaring people with hellfire and damnation isn't a technique that Jesus ever endorsed, as far as I am aware. Jesus spoke a lot in parables, and to this day I find it the most successful way to talk to unbelievers about Christianity. He made people think. He got right down to their hurts, and their hearts. That means he cared about them. He wasn't trying to convert them to his list of beliefs, he was caring for them, and that led people to him.

Tonight a co-worker who is a Christian tried to tell another co-worker that God created the whole world. Now I believe that, and firmly agree. But co-worker #2 believes in reincarnation. The argument didn't exactly go anywhere productive. The Christian said that she was right, and the girl who believed in reincarnation disagreed firmly and got upset that her beliefs were being questioned.

Evangelism can't be something that we try to force down peoples throats. If I've learned one thing from reading the Bible, God is a personal being. He didn't tell Jesus to hand out gospel tracts. Jesus drank with the sinners, touched the unclean, and walked side by side with disciples who were more or less the leftover bunch.

As Christians, it's easy to get fed up with people who don't want to listen to us. But maybe the problem is we are doing way too much talking. And maybe in addition to that, we're giving people way too much information.

Instead, I think we need to listen more. If we truly care about the souls of the people that we are talking with about faith, then we need to make them feel God's presence and our love. The girl who believed in reincarnation couldn't even wrap her head around the idea that God always was, always is, and always will be. She asked "Well then who created this God? Is he an alien or something?" It's not her fault that she doesn't know anything about God, it's a completely foreign concept to her. That means we need to not only accurately tell people about God, but we need to accurately portray God. We need to give people an image of what we believe in.

So instead of trying to tell her she's going to hell, and instead of asking her "Then how did we get here in this world?", and questions like that, I presented this to her;

"Let's start all over. Now you don't believe in God. Let's just say that there IS a God, who DID indeed create the world and everything in it, and always existed in such a way that we humans could not comprehend..would that make Him an awesome God?"

Instead of saying that He definitely did, and thus making her feel defensive about her own beliefs, I asked her that if, theoretically, God DOES exist, and went onto create the entire universe, and always was, is, and will be, would that make Him an amazing, awesome God that we humans couldn't even begin to wrap our minds around?

Her answer? "Yes."

Let's not try to overfeed unbelievers. Now maybe I'm wrong at some points here, and maybe some points need further developed, but I think it was a good way of getting the foot in the door, without being too invasive. Jesus had this crazy way of knowing our inner most desires and insecurities and needs. I don't have that gift, and so I tried a different approach. And she responded that if those things about a being were true, then yes, that being would be amazing and awesome.

Maybe the next step is asking her why she believes in reincarnation, and then maybe after that, trying to parallel reincarnation with how Christians believe in a form of reincarnation, but instead of going into another earthly being, we become new creations in Christ, and when we die we spend eternity with our creator. I don't need to get there all at once. I just need to plant a seed, water it, and pray sincerely for these people, and more opportunities to arise.

We need to be careful with how we approach some unbelievers. Some of them might base all of Christianity off of the pastors who have stolen money, molested kids, and engaged in fraudulent behavior. Some of these people may only hear from one sincere Christlike person in their whole lives, before they make their judgment about our faith.

An Ode to '08

Over the course of three hours, I put this little thing together. I can seriously just sit at the computer and set my mind on a tedious task like that, and kind of enjoy it. If anyone was wondering, the songs are:
You Are The Best Thing- Ray Lamontagne
You Remind Me Of Home- Ben Gibbard
You & Me- Lifehouse
Brightest- Copeland.

While putting all of those pictures together, I had the most fun reminiscing over the year. Last year, I celebrated New Years up in Lancaster with a few friends. Up until the beginning of 2008, some big changes had been happening in my life. Me and Kara had just broken up, my first year of college at Cal had started.. etc. Under these new environments, I was really forced to find myself, as well as find God.

The crowd cheered as the countdown began, the fireworks began shooting into the air, and it all seemed like it was in slow motion. Every now and then, we have these moments that seem to say to us "This is an important defining moment." And that's what I was feeling as 2007 came to an end. I prayed, and felt a lot of comfort. I knew there would be difficulties, but that a lot of blessings would come from them. I also have some great memories.

In a trip to New York City with Sara and Rachael, I experienced the absolute immensity of the city life. I love being in cities. The atmosphere, the sounds, the smells. When I am in cities, I realize how small I am in the world. I get completely lost in the vastness of the crowds and buildings.

I also got my first, and most likely not last, tattoo. It didn't hurt too bad, and I love that it will always be there. It's a great reminder of what I stand for, and the type of person I want to be; to live a Christ-centered life.

When I got back to school, I don't know what it was, but I fell in love with Amanda. There were a lot of things that happened before we ended up together, but all of those things aside, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She is a beautiful, amazing girl, and she encourages and inspires me to reach my potential. There will never be a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her.

I shot a lot of guns in 2008. Women bond a lot over talking, to make a generalization, and men are more likely to do stuff together, or do things together. I've had a lot of fun with some great guys just shooting guns and having time with them. Josh, Mike, Kellen, Adam, Justin.. it was really great, and I can't wait for more opportunities.

The Gateway Clipper. Besides the bad DJ, it was fantastic. Easily one of my favorite memories of Freshman year. We all got dressed up, took a ton of pictures.. it was a warm night, with a little bit of a breeze, and such a clear sky. It couldn't have been any more romantic. Amanda looked stunning in her black dress, and it was one of the first times I felt completely comfortable dancing.

I had some great times just taking pictures with people. Like with me and Amanda at Twin Lakes, or during our walks we would go on, or just random photo shoots with Desiree, Mike, Amanda, Kalla.. I took so many pictures that first year at school, and I wish I had taken so many more. Heck, I wish I could buy some kind of DVD of those memories.

Leaving California felt so strange. I packed my car completely to the brim, it was bursting, lol. It had all gone by so quickly. I feel bad for some of the things I did or said to people, and I hope they don't hold those things against me. I know some people don't think much about some of those memories. Some wish maybe that they would never have happened. But I've always been the kind of person that just loves remembering those feelings. We had formed a family, and leaving that dorm room was really hard.

I won't forget the freedom I experienced in my Mustang. She was good and faithful to me for three years. I've done so many awful things with that car. I shouldn't even be alive, so that's a praise in itself.. I've learned a lot about responsible driving since then.

Adam and Bethany's wedding was beautiful, and it made me think a lot about my own future. I've always been a romantic, I'm definitely going to get married one day, and I really look forward to that day. Their wedding was in Ohio, and there was a lot of back-and-forth driving. I had forgotten my Ipod, and only had a copy of Coldplay's Viva La Vida to listen to.. for at least 8 hours.

One major change over the summer was my switch from my Mustang to my Kawasaki Ninja 500. I didn't have any idea how to ride a bike before getting it, so that was really risky. Luckily, I caught on quick, and absolutely fell in love. Now it's not nearly the same kind of love that me and Amanda have, but I do love that bike. It's just a fact. Again, it makes me feel so small. It enables me to see God's world.. to feel the wind against my arms, to feel the warmth of the sun directly against me. If you don't believe in God, ride a motorcycle. You'll believe.

I saw Amanda for about a week each month, and it was amazing to wake up each morning in a room next to her. One day I just decided to surprise her, so I rode my bike to her house and popped in her bedroom. She opened her eyes and thought she was dreaming for a little bit until she woke up.

A good bit of the slide show is from a trip that I went with Amanda and her family on. We went to Michigan, and to Minnesota. I remember feeling so blessed, that I was able to go along and experience it. The scenery was amazing, no camera could do it justice. During one part of the trip, me and Amanda walked across large rocks to get to a lighthouse. There were times during that hike that I would help Amanda, and I felt so close to her. To know that I could help her was a powerful thing to me. To know that I play a part in her life, it was something i hadn't really thought about in too much detail. I felt like a leader, like I could guide and encourage her.

I came back to Cal early and got involved in our Churches leadership team. It was great to be involved in something, and to see how God works. I now appreciate all that work that goes into making church and church events happen. Our pastor, Bryan Downs, really is an inspiration. He puts so much into what he does, and I've had a lot more time to get to know him.

Living in the house has taught me a lot about my future; both my weaknesses, and my strengths. Being around people constantly has showed me where I have flaws, but also where I can help others with their shortcomings. It has been great living with John and Kellen for the first semester,and second semester will not be an exception.

I have learned so much, but most importantly, I have realized how much more i have to learn. This was extremely lengthy. I don't think many will read through it all, if any at all, but that's not why I wrote it. As I wrote it, I came to relive a lot of 2008 and I realized how much I have to be grateful for.

This year has been harder. I've had to balance a lot of things, and figure out priorities. I realized how much God has in store for 2009. It was good for me to write this all out, and among all of the storms and difficulties this year has brought, I serve a larger than life God who has great things in store.

This verse was our class verse when I graduated from my Middle School, and I've heard it probably hundreds of times since. It has truly led me through dark times, and it will continue to do so. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Bring on 2009!

The Greatest Music Video Ever