I was watching the movie Fireproof the other day, because there are several parts of it that I think are amazing. In the one part, the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller plays. It's really inspirational, and great.. and so unlike the actual experience of having to wait on God. I mean.. it's an incredibly moving song, coupled with an equally great scene.. in a wonderful movie.
But when we wait on the Lord.. there isn't any music playing. We don't see the romanticized, Hollywood version of our story before our eyes, equipped with cut scenes and sweeping shots, all the while knowing how the movie will probably turn out. We get to wait. We get to experience the uncertainty of having to trust God with our situation. And that is about it.
I'm at a part in my life where that is the main theme. Waiting. Waiting is dreadfully dismal. To point back to my last post, I'm used to everything pretty quick in life. I want food warmer? Microwave for 30 seconds. I want to know the temperature outside? Check the internet. It's the waiting.. that really gets to me. And these are things more important than cold food and ridiculous Pennsylvania weather.
Tonight in Bible Study we talked about the Old Testament character Hannah. What a story. She can't give birth, so she prays, and vows to give the child to God. So she gives birth. And voila, has to give the son away to God. She made that sacrifice. The Lord gives, and He takes away.
Part of me is ruthlessly bitter at that. I'm not in control. We get so hung up on control. And that is one of the reasons that God is so hard to grasp. That there's this being, except He's highly personal, who wants a relationship with us, who wants to show us His love.. but we don't really have the control. He does.
I said how part of me is really bitter at that. There's also a part of me that, upon realizing the gravity of the situation, is so happy that I'm not in control, nor do I have to be. I think that's my problem. I'm living and dealing with my situations as if I am the person in primary control. Well knock knock, whose there, it's God, and He's taken it back.
Matt Carson, tonight at Bible Study, brought up a great point which Bryan had used as a sermon illustration. We need to hold things with open palms. Care for the things we are entrusted with, be good stewards of those things.. but not to clench them. Ultimately those things were give to us by God. And if God decides to take them away, if we have clenched fists, He's going to have to pry them away. And that gets messy.
Maybe waiting isn't so terrible with the correct mindset. I think I've been waiting around, and grumbling about why God isn't fulfilling my wishes faster. Instead I should be WAITING.. willingly. Patiently. No strings attached.
The lyrics to the song by John Waller:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Until I can learn to hold these things with open palms, I'm only making it harder for myself. God is in control, and I'm not. It's so freeing, but so hard to embrace.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The Gospel of America: Gratification
Lately, my plans for life have just absolutely been going awry. I mean I know God is in control, it's just so hard to focus on the things He is in control of, when I compare them to the areas He has let go of for the time being. Not to say He isn't in control of even those areas, He is. But in order for us to grow into anything, we need to trust God especially with the areas that seem the rockiest.
I've been moping about lately, focusing as usual too much on the things that are wrong, and I realized that I'm so used to everything just.. working. I wake up in my warm bed, go and take a hot shower, get on my laptop to check the weather, maybe send a few text messages, and go about the rest of my day.
But life, as we all can attest to, doesn't flow the way we want it to all the time. Maybe in the middle of the night, I kick the sheets off of my bed and wake up freezing. Then head quickly to the shower, but some circumstance leaves the water just a little colder than I wanted. And the internet is only great when it works. So I step outside to realize that it's pretty cold to have to walk ten minutes to Morgan for my 9am, when the class itself only lasts fifteen minutes. And for some reason my phone might not work. And maybe on the way back into my house, I stub my toe.
I've got to be honest, I have never had a day where all those things have occurred. But I have had some big waves hit my life, and it's so easy to ask.. Where are you, God? Are you even there?
What I'm getting at is this; I have become so accustomed to instant gratification. I want the water hot in the morning, I want my technology to work at the flick of a switch, or press of the button. I want it all. Bigger. Better. Faster. Now.
I'm not at all saying that having these things is bad. The more that we have, the more we can be responsible with, and grow as Christians. To whom much is given, much is tested. I am saying, however, that when we get everything that we want, instantly, it's so much easier to doubt God. It's so much easier to say there can't be anything else. Because under the mindset of instant gratification lies the god of self reliance.
I know in my own life, that when I get it all right away, I get comfortable. I get soft. So in a way.. it's comforting to realize.. that I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to see tomorrow. I don't know if anything is going to work out the way I wish it would.
But I do know that even as I'm writing this.. that God has blessed me with the most compassionate people in my life. That He has truly created men and women in His image, to be able to Love. So for once in my life.. I'm happy with not knowing anything at all.
I've been moping about lately, focusing as usual too much on the things that are wrong, and I realized that I'm so used to everything just.. working. I wake up in my warm bed, go and take a hot shower, get on my laptop to check the weather, maybe send a few text messages, and go about the rest of my day.
But life, as we all can attest to, doesn't flow the way we want it to all the time. Maybe in the middle of the night, I kick the sheets off of my bed and wake up freezing. Then head quickly to the shower, but some circumstance leaves the water just a little colder than I wanted. And the internet is only great when it works. So I step outside to realize that it's pretty cold to have to walk ten minutes to Morgan for my 9am, when the class itself only lasts fifteen minutes. And for some reason my phone might not work. And maybe on the way back into my house, I stub my toe.
I've got to be honest, I have never had a day where all those things have occurred. But I have had some big waves hit my life, and it's so easy to ask.. Where are you, God? Are you even there?
What I'm getting at is this; I have become so accustomed to instant gratification. I want the water hot in the morning, I want my technology to work at the flick of a switch, or press of the button. I want it all. Bigger. Better. Faster. Now.
I'm not at all saying that having these things is bad. The more that we have, the more we can be responsible with, and grow as Christians. To whom much is given, much is tested. I am saying, however, that when we get everything that we want, instantly, it's so much easier to doubt God. It's so much easier to say there can't be anything else. Because under the mindset of instant gratification lies the god of self reliance.
I know in my own life, that when I get it all right away, I get comfortable. I get soft. So in a way.. it's comforting to realize.. that I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to see tomorrow. I don't know if anything is going to work out the way I wish it would.
But I do know that even as I'm writing this.. that God has blessed me with the most compassionate people in my life. That He has truly created men and women in His image, to be able to Love. So for once in my life.. I'm happy with not knowing anything at all.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Searching for God Knows What
I love reading. God has created some incredibly inspirational people, who have equally inspirational things to say. The following quotes are from Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What, and in it Miller very simply, yet effectively, explains why we are the way we are. The human condition. The first of these quotes builds up to the second one effectively.
But what we really need is God. What we really need is somebody who loves us so much we don't worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor, or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes. (Referring to Adam and Eve.)We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this so our relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find ourselves for the first time, not by realizing some dream, but by being told who we are by the only Being who has the authority to know.
I love this next quote, and I think it has such a powerful way of speaking to anyone who really thinks about it. This next portion is one of the greatest things I've ever read.
If a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or touch, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is not coincidence that Jesus walks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love.
I know that in my own life, when I don't feel loved, I go looking for it. But it's so comforting to know that there is only one place to truly find it. No doubt we can get glimpses of it here and there, but we can only get the full picture through Christ, and His sacrifice for us. It is through Christ that all things are made new. And it is only through Christ that we are given the purest image of love, without all the things that mess us up as humans.
But what we really need is God. What we really need is somebody who loves us so much we don't worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor, or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes. (Referring to Adam and Eve.)We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this so our relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find ourselves for the first time, not by realizing some dream, but by being told who we are by the only Being who has the authority to know.
I love this next quote, and I think it has such a powerful way of speaking to anyone who really thinks about it. This next portion is one of the greatest things I've ever read.
If a kid doesn't feel he is loved, he is going to go looking for it in all kinds of ways. He is going to want to feel powerful or important or touch, and she is going to want to feel beautiful and wanted and needed. Give a kid the feeling of being loved early, and they will be better at negotiating that other stuff when they get older. They won't fall for anything stupid, and won't feel a kind of desperation all the time in their souls. It is not coincidence that Jesus walks endlessly about love. Free love. Unconditional love.
I know that in my own life, when I don't feel loved, I go looking for it. But it's so comforting to know that there is only one place to truly find it. No doubt we can get glimpses of it here and there, but we can only get the full picture through Christ, and His sacrifice for us. It is through Christ that all things are made new. And it is only through Christ that we are given the purest image of love, without all the things that mess us up as humans.
Friday, March 6, 2009
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