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Baby, Please Come Home

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

The Law of Human Nature

For Christmas, Mike B., AKA Mama Bonnonnono, gave me The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics. I love reading, and this book has seven books in it for under $20. I am more of a completist, and having those seven books separate is generally more of my style, but for that price I couldn't argue.

This morning I started the first of the books, 'Mere Christianity.' I was only a few pages into the first chapter 'The Law of Human Nature', and this quote really knocked me over:

For you notice that it is only for our bad behavior that we find all these explanations. It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry; we put our good temper down to ourselves.

Think of how true that is. I make conditional admittances like that all of the time. I'll admit to being mean, if I had some reason for it. When I hurt someone, it wasn't because I was being irresponsible with my words, but because I was tired, or stressed, or.. whatever else I can muster at the moment. And it's true, that I am more likely to say or do something irresponsible when I am not in the right frame of mind. But instead of taking responsibility for those things, and admitting that I was completely wrong, I want to place some of the blame on those other conditions.

So not only are we human in that we do wrong, but when we do wrong things, we want to blame something else. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Kind of like when our two naked ancestors were standing in a Garden, and God wanted to know what was going on.

And not only that, but then when we do good things, we want some kind of credit for it.

The quote is really so short, and some might even say it's simple and obvious, but look at how much I could dig out of it. This book is already making me very excited.

When Finals Week Ends, Life Resumes

Finals week ended just as suddenly as it had begun, and the Turnpike ride home began. I have to admit, I opted out of riding the bike during these months. I went out in the snow, and it was far too dangerous. The conditions made control over the bike an idealistic thought at best. It wasn't the cold that bothered me; it was the cold that bothered the bike. They just aren't made for the extreme temperatures.

So I carpooled home for Thanksgiving and Christmas break. Even though I don't have any transportation while home, it's still nice to be here. Of course I'll be working a lot and trying to get money, but the feeling of being home is incredible. I have taken far too much of it for granted.

I've been checking my grades online probably five times a day, it's excessive, but I'm just so anxious to see it all finalized. Even though I only had four finals, over the course of four days, it was just so stressful. I need to work on prioritizing those things.

Another semester has come and gone. It's always so hard to see the growth we make in life when we're in the process of growing. But after that segment is over with, it's obvious looking back why certain things occurred, and where we've grown.

Romans 7:21-25

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I'm currently going through Romans as my morning reading. This book is so fricken good. For the past several months, I've been going through the Gospels. After hearing so many good verses in STAND from Romans, I decided to go through it, and it was a great decision. When I stumble upon more good ones as my mornings go, I'll post them here.

It reminds me of the Flobot's track 'There's A War Going On For Your Mind.' All of us have these conflicting voices in our heads, not to be confused with Schizophrenia of course. It is kind of like that though. A spiritual Schizophrenia, maybe?

There is a war going on for our hearts, souls, and faithfulness. What is it that we are going to for peace? What do we run to when life gets rough?

I'm Just A Man (Under All of the Under Armour)

Well for the past week, the snow has really begun to hit Western Pennsylvania. Which is going to make for an interesting cross state adventure when I tackle the Turnpike on a heartbreakingly beautiful Kawasaki Ninja 500.

That's right Ladies, Gents, and the occasional cat wandering by their owners computer, my motorcycle and I will be heading out immediately following the conclusion of my Oral Comm. class on Tuesday. Google Maps is telling me that the journey is about 250 miles. That used to make my wallet cry. Now my wallet smiles cozily in my back pocket.

Yesterday, to take the trip seriously (as seriously as one can be taken on a 250 mile trek across a wintry North Eastern state) I bought myself an abundance of Under Armour. I got fleece lined gloves, which fit perfectly inside of my already warm winter Walmart gloves, coming to a total of two gloves per hand. I also got Cold Gear leggings, which I will wear underneath my jeans. I'll also be wearing a pair of pajama pants in between those layers. My favorite new addition are my Under Armour socks which were made for winter sports. I consider winter motorcycle riding to be a pretty extreme winter sport, and so far my toes have never felt warmer. Lastly, I bought a Ninja looking mask to slide over my face and keep my head warm.

So that takes care of the cold. But what about the ice? What about the snow? What about the wintry elements?! Well.. I'm not entirely sure. Today after my last class I will be riding out to test my new purchases to see if 1) Under Armour is all it's cracked up to be and 2) to see how many more precautions I'm going to take in order to make it a safe and enjoyable ride.

Indeed, this will be a November to remember.

Wrestling with God

Lately, I've become really bad with answering my phone. Which annoys people who can only call me or be called. So after probably a couple hundred attempts to call me, me and my friend worked out a time I could call her. A while into the conversation, she hit me with a question that really should have had an obvious answer; "Are you still a Christian?"

She was asking because many of her friends had begun to fall away.

My mind was trying to respond. That's what hit me. I had to think about that? I guess I was overtaken by the Peter Syndrome. No I didn't openly or publicly deny my Lord, but my body was so slow to admit there was One that ruled over it.

The truth is I felt ashamed. Ashamed to call Christ my Lord, because I have experienced his deep love and grace. But more personally, I have experienced my own failures. I have lived in the muck and mire of life, instead of in the joyous presence of being loved by a God whose grace knows no bounds. It's so easy to say we would not deny our Lord, not in the way Peter did. But every day we deny Him. I have selfish, heartless, downright evil desires.

Just so you know, I'm classifying 'evil' as anything contrary to God. Anything that tears at the fabric of my faith is evil, anything that elevates me above God is evil.

An authentic faith is something I want. A seat in the home of God is something I desire. But when such a simple question is asked, and our first thought is hesitance due to our sin, I think that's shifting the focus from my Almighty to my own atrocities. What then has become the lord of my life? A motivation of God-given grace? Or one of guilt?

Whats the focus? Because that is ultimately where we will end up.

There is more to this story though. There is a powerful redemption. We are all prodigal sons and daughters. And there is one far greater who desires that we allow Him to lift us from our grave, into his grace. Are we living as if we are filled with a living Christ? Or are we living as if He never rose, as if His body still lays in the tomb. I know my life has a mixture of both. Some days I live as if He is my everything. And then other days, I live as the crowd chanting "Crucify Him!"; as the soldiers taunting His body on the cross; as the disciples who fled Him in the Garden.

But while our God is completely filled with perfect love and grace, He is also one about commitment. And that is what we wrestle with each day. The chance comes to give Him glory, but what is our reply? Peter denied Him openly, and went on to lead a revival in His name. That is an amazing story of God's work in his life. Adam and Eve both denied Him through their loyalties, and all of creation is wrought with sorrow. How will my story be told? How will my faith make a difference? I need to soak myself in the endless rivers of God's grace, and quit trying the straight and narrow alone, because I am a child of an all-powerful, all-loving Father. Time to live it!

Some books that I love that tackle these issues are; Velvet Elvis (Rob Bell), Searching for God Knows What (Donald Miller) Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller), and Sex Sushi & Salvation (Christopher George).

Home

I have a journal, and a Facebook. I guess the Facebook is primarily for the networking aspect of just being able to be in contact with everyone quickly. It's like the Walmart of the internet; it's convenient, even though it is pretty much slave labor. Ok, so it's nothing like that at all. And my journal is really a no-nonsense, unedited perspective, and I'd rather not have everyone rummaging through that.

So here is this blog. As college goes by, I find myself slowing down more and more to take a look at everything that is going by so quickly. This will have reflections, songs, perspectives, and whatever else may come. I may not keep up with it at all, or only get around to it every now. But let's find out together.

I got the page title from the Ben Gibbard song 'You Remind Me of Home.'

I live four hours from my home, and every time that I leave the sleepy town of California PA, I feel like I'm leaving a piece of me behind. But when I arrive at my actual home there is just this warm feeling. That might be because I only go home for breaks, and two-thirds of my breaks are during the winter when my house is literally warmer than the outside. Temperature aside, there is security and peace of mind. Sometimes you have to leave to know what it all meant to you.

And wherever we go we find people who remind us of others. How they look, how they act, and we're reminded of where we've come from. And those people have influenced us into who we are. And that's the motivation behind this blog; it's going to be various snapshots of who I am, and who I'm becoming, and the relentless persuit of home.