When It Rains..

I was watching the movie Fireproof the other day, because there are several parts of it that I think are amazing. In the one part, the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller plays. It's really inspirational, and great.. and so unlike the actual experience of having to wait on God. I mean.. it's an incredibly moving song, coupled with an equally great scene.. in a wonderful movie.

But when we wait on the Lord.. there isn't any music playing. We don't see the romanticized, Hollywood version of our story before our eyes, equipped with cut scenes and sweeping shots, all the while knowing how the movie will probably turn out. We get to wait. We get to experience the uncertainty of having to trust God with our situation. And that is about it.

I'm at a part in my life where that is the main theme. Waiting. Waiting is dreadfully dismal. To point back to my last post, I'm used to everything pretty quick in life. I want food warmer? Microwave for 30 seconds. I want to know the temperature outside? Check the internet. It's the waiting.. that really gets to me. And these are things more important than cold food and ridiculous Pennsylvania weather.

Tonight in Bible Study we talked about the Old Testament character Hannah. What a story. She can't give birth, so she prays, and vows to give the child to God. So she gives birth. And voila, has to give the son away to God. She made that sacrifice. The Lord gives, and He takes away.

Part of me is ruthlessly bitter at that. I'm not in control. We get so hung up on control. And that is one of the reasons that God is so hard to grasp. That there's this being, except He's highly personal, who wants a relationship with us, who wants to show us His love.. but we don't really have the control. He does.

I said how part of me is really bitter at that. There's also a part of me that, upon realizing the gravity of the situation, is so happy that I'm not in control, nor do I have to be. I think that's my problem. I'm living and dealing with my situations as if I am the person in primary control. Well knock knock, whose there, it's God, and He's taken it back.

Matt Carson, tonight at Bible Study, brought up a great point which Bryan had used as a sermon illustration. We need to hold things with open palms. Care for the things we are entrusted with, be good stewards of those things.. but not to clench them. Ultimately those things were give to us by God. And if God decides to take them away, if we have clenched fists, He's going to have to pry them away. And that gets messy.

Maybe waiting isn't so terrible with the correct mindset. I think I've been waiting around, and grumbling about why God isn't fulfilling my wishes faster. Instead I should be WAITING.. willingly. Patiently. No strings attached.

The lyrics to the song by John Waller:
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Until I can learn to hold these things with open palms, I'm only making it harder for myself. God is in control, and I'm not. It's so freeing, but so hard to embrace.