The Gospel of America: Pockets

One time Amanda was telling me of an older man who would come into her McDonald's and bother the girls who worked there. We all know the type. The kind of men who believe things like "Even though I keep getting older, the girls just keep getting younger." This guy moved a step beyond these personal beliefs, and put them into action. He flirted with these girls, he grabbed at their arms and hands.. He was what we call a pervert; a gross old guy who didn't have much of a filter on his thoughts or actions.

And I couldn't help but feel extremely helpless in the situation. I was four hours away at the time, and couldn't do much but just encourage her to avoid him at all costs.

Recently I was sitting in a booth at that McDonald's, reading a Psychology text book. A man sat a table away from me and began eating his food. I didn't think much of it. We struck up a conversation about Psychology; how he had gone to school for it and studied it for years before deciding just to work full time. We began talking about things that went under the surface level of conversation. He brought up what he called "inner secrecies," which was just a way of saying that everyone has these areas in their lives that they will protect with all they have. For example, someone who has been molested as a child can repress these memories and cause them to act out in bizarre ways. He went onto say that these things can only be fixed when the person accepts Christ as their savior, and can become brand new. All of their hurts, sins, and baggage are cast onto Him, and they are a new creation.

I was impressed at both his level of intellect, and that he outwardly told me, a stranger, about Christ. I noticed Amanda was trying to get my attention, so I went over to her, and she told me that the man I was talking to was "the pervert" who grabbed at her arm, and made comments about her freckles and dimples.

I couldn't believe it. With all of my heart I didn't want to believe this man was the same man she described. We were clearly describing two different people; yet they are one and the same. I was reminded instantly of what another friend once said to me: "Who isn't a Christian in Pennsylvania?"

This phrase has always stuck with me, and challenged me. I always think of it as so neat. Having been in Christian education all my life, I've been a fairly sheltered kid. Everyone in elementary school and middle school were Christians, because they were born Christians. They gave Christian answers. Their parents were Christians. However as I grew, I began to notice that there were many who grew up as Christians who had no idea what Christianity was even about. Myself included.

Now I am not called to judge people who do not believe. It is Gods job to judge. But when it comes to other Christians, or those who profess the name of Christ, I am called to hold dear the name of Christ and all it stands for. He has saved me from all I am, and He is continuing it in my life. He is an active force.

So it deeply perplexed me that this man would speak of Christ with passion and candor. Yet his actions displayed a very different part of him. So much were these two parts of his life separated, that I doubt he even noticed that they were in direction violation of each other. In one pocket he was a pervert. A creeper. A man who if ever confronted about such things would respond "It's the way God made me." Yet another pocket of his life contained a faith that looked and sounded so authentic.

But who in Pennsylvania isn't Christian? And isn't it kind of true?

Ok, so not everyone is a Christian in this state. But let's just say it's accepted. It's tolerated. It's kind of common. But Christ wasn't preaching a gospel of ease, comfort, or.. pockets.

Christ told his followers that if their salt loses it's saltiness, it is good for nothing. He told them that if they are neither warm nor cold, they will be spat out. He said to let our light shine before men. He said, wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. He said by our fruit, by our actions, we will be recognized for who we are.

A faith like that has no room for pockets. It's all or nothing. Sure, we make mistakes. We sin. We suck. But something deeply bothered me that this man could live with such divisiveness within himself. That his heart belonged to two masters.

And it made me realize that my own heart is dangerously similar. That I too have my pockets where I don't let Jesus in. Whether it's the words I speak, the things I attend to, the idols in my life I serve..

"If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."

Which pockets have you kept to yourself?

Because in a place where "everyone is a Christian," the real challenge is not believing in Christ. The real hardship lies in living an authentic faith in word and deed.

One Nation Under God

I don't know much about politics, and I don't really have too much of an interest in it altogether. I do have a concern for this country though, being one of it's citizens and all.

I love certain aspects of this country. It's where I was born, it's where I live, it's where I would like to continue to live. I've had so many wonderful memories here. I've felt the coolness of Autumn approaching off the lakes of Minnesota. I've seen Maine and Vermont in the winter. I've been to numerous beaches and basked in the sun. I love those things. I think we have a wonderful amount of diversity too, when we stop to think about it.

But there are things I don't like. I'm unsettled by turning on the news and hearing the latest number of casualties in nearby cities. I hate that there are so many people living with amazing amounts of wealth, and so many people dying without a dime.

Barack Obama was recently elected President, and with the state of this country, he really has a lot on his plate. No President has an easy job. I stuck up for George W. Bush every time that I could. The press hounded his flaws, and he didn't always make it easy either. Now we have another man in his place, and already I'm seeing people grumble amongst themselves.

There's one thing that isn't going to solve anything, and that is grumbling. You think Obama isn't changing us for the better? Then YOU take action. As a Christian, it's my job to uphold justice, peace, and love. And with as many 'Christians' as there are in this country, shouldn't things look a little different? It's because we, myself included, do not do enough. Somebody else will do it, someone else always does it. Well that's pretty lazy.

We shouldn't be relying on a President to come along who agree's with our ideas of Christ in order to change the world. WE should be the change. We have a terribly large responsibility now, in some regards. Obama is a Democrat, and they generally go for the pro-choice stance, for example. So if as a Christian, I think that abortion is wrong, what would be a loving way of going about trying to abolish it? Donating money to organizations that spread awareness of abstinence/safe sex practices, for example. One thing that would not be a good idea is going outside of abortion clinics with picket signs telling people they're going to hell. Would Jesus be standing with you holding a picket sign in that situation? Highly doubtful, if not most improbable.

Obama is a Democrat. Should that matter to Conservative Christians? Jesus is bigger than political labels. There are some good things I see in Obama's campaign. I don't agree with it all, but I don't have to. He is my President, and I will respect him as a person. I don't have to follow every one of his whims, but I have faith in the long run, that there will be much good that can come of anything that God wills. Jesus wasn't conservative, Jesus wasn't liberal, Jesus prayed to the Father, and let His will be done. If our grumbling is outweighing the time we spend praying for our country and our president, I think that is focusing on the wrong thing.

Patience In The Storm

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

A lesson I am continuing to learn is one of patience. Because there are times when I feel that I am doing what is right, and noble, and fair, but God has other plans. And it's not that my plans were bad, but maybe I couldn't see the consequences of letting them go unchecked.

It's not that God is up in Heaven, bored out of His mind, trying to screw with my life for entertainment. It's that He loves me too much to leave me as I am. There are areas that I would be perfectly content with just leaving alone, and letting them play out.

But God isn't a being of complacency. He is building, shaping, and sharpening each individual who is saved by His grace; but that re-working of our souls doesn't just happen. It takes failures, defeats, and hardship to rescue us from ourselves. We can't just build ourselves, we can't try to figure things out alone. We need to be honest with God, and say "Ok, I don't know what's going on, I don't know why You're letting this happen, but I trust that You know what You are doing."

And to be honest, I don't know what's going on. I don't know why God is closing some of the doors that He is slamming shut. I don't know why now. But I will. The beginning gives us a mark of reference, that we can look to in order to see our progress. The journey is when we face difficulties, crawl through our muck, and decipher God's loving discipline from Satan's shame. And at the end, we can look back and see why each decision lead us to where we end up.

Our lives amass so much pain and hurt, but there is one who faced it all. One who lived, died, and lives.. for me, in me, and with me.

I don't have to know, right now, why these situations and losses are happening. But in the end, I will be able to see God's perfect plan, working in my imperfect life.

The Blizzard Man

This is a bit of an awkward transition from the last post. However, I have two main mindsets in my life; there's the serious side, and then there's the side of me that finds Andy Samberg amazing. This is the latter of the two..

Concerning Evangelism..

Last year, I despised Christians who tried to impress their beliefs upon the hearts of unbelievers. I even said, among people who were not Christians, "I love Christ, but not other Christians."

I've come a long way regarding Evangelism. I think up until a year ago, I didn't even recognize WHY Christians were trying to convert people. At the end of Matthew, Jesus says;

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I'm not even sure I knew Jesus said that. I thought that my 'evangelism' was to live a righteous life, and expect other people to see my lifestyle, and wonder what was 'different' about me, causing them to approach me, and I would lead them off to church and everything would end peachy.

Well it's true that as Christians, our lifestyles should reflect that of Jesus and we should be a light unto the world. But I was expecting unbelievers to come to me, which is the opposite of what Jesus commanded of me. So I was having some focus issues.

After I figured out that my beliefs were nothing that needed to be hidden, sometimes I got a bit militant about my faith. I would try to argue people into the kingdom, so to speak. I would try to prove them wrong, and when they would see the flaws in their theories, of course I could convert them. Well that's all well and good, but it doesn't happen like that. Scaring people with hellfire and damnation isn't a technique that Jesus ever endorsed, as far as I am aware. Jesus spoke a lot in parables, and to this day I find it the most successful way to talk to unbelievers about Christianity. He made people think. He got right down to their hurts, and their hearts. That means he cared about them. He wasn't trying to convert them to his list of beliefs, he was caring for them, and that led people to him.

Tonight a co-worker who is a Christian tried to tell another co-worker that God created the whole world. Now I believe that, and firmly agree. But co-worker #2 believes in reincarnation. The argument didn't exactly go anywhere productive. The Christian said that she was right, and the girl who believed in reincarnation disagreed firmly and got upset that her beliefs were being questioned.

Evangelism can't be something that we try to force down peoples throats. If I've learned one thing from reading the Bible, God is a personal being. He didn't tell Jesus to hand out gospel tracts. Jesus drank with the sinners, touched the unclean, and walked side by side with disciples who were more or less the leftover bunch.

As Christians, it's easy to get fed up with people who don't want to listen to us. But maybe the problem is we are doing way too much talking. And maybe in addition to that, we're giving people way too much information.

Instead, I think we need to listen more. If we truly care about the souls of the people that we are talking with about faith, then we need to make them feel God's presence and our love. The girl who believed in reincarnation couldn't even wrap her head around the idea that God always was, always is, and always will be. She asked "Well then who created this God? Is he an alien or something?" It's not her fault that she doesn't know anything about God, it's a completely foreign concept to her. That means we need to not only accurately tell people about God, but we need to accurately portray God. We need to give people an image of what we believe in.

So instead of trying to tell her she's going to hell, and instead of asking her "Then how did we get here in this world?", and questions like that, I presented this to her;

"Let's start all over. Now you don't believe in God. Let's just say that there IS a God, who DID indeed create the world and everything in it, and always existed in such a way that we humans could not comprehend..would that make Him an awesome God?"

Instead of saying that He definitely did, and thus making her feel defensive about her own beliefs, I asked her that if, theoretically, God DOES exist, and went onto create the entire universe, and always was, is, and will be, would that make Him an amazing, awesome God that we humans couldn't even begin to wrap our minds around?

Her answer? "Yes."

Let's not try to overfeed unbelievers. Now maybe I'm wrong at some points here, and maybe some points need further developed, but I think it was a good way of getting the foot in the door, without being too invasive. Jesus had this crazy way of knowing our inner most desires and insecurities and needs. I don't have that gift, and so I tried a different approach. And she responded that if those things about a being were true, then yes, that being would be amazing and awesome.

Maybe the next step is asking her why she believes in reincarnation, and then maybe after that, trying to parallel reincarnation with how Christians believe in a form of reincarnation, but instead of going into another earthly being, we become new creations in Christ, and when we die we spend eternity with our creator. I don't need to get there all at once. I just need to plant a seed, water it, and pray sincerely for these people, and more opportunities to arise.

We need to be careful with how we approach some unbelievers. Some of them might base all of Christianity off of the pastors who have stolen money, molested kids, and engaged in fraudulent behavior. Some of these people may only hear from one sincere Christlike person in their whole lives, before they make their judgment about our faith.

An Ode to '08

Over the course of three hours, I put this little thing together. I can seriously just sit at the computer and set my mind on a tedious task like that, and kind of enjoy it. If anyone was wondering, the songs are:
You Are The Best Thing- Ray Lamontagne
You Remind Me Of Home- Ben Gibbard
You & Me- Lifehouse
Brightest- Copeland.

While putting all of those pictures together, I had the most fun reminiscing over the year. Last year, I celebrated New Years up in Lancaster with a few friends. Up until the beginning of 2008, some big changes had been happening in my life. Me and Kara had just broken up, my first year of college at Cal had started.. etc. Under these new environments, I was really forced to find myself, as well as find God.

The crowd cheered as the countdown began, the fireworks began shooting into the air, and it all seemed like it was in slow motion. Every now and then, we have these moments that seem to say to us "This is an important defining moment." And that's what I was feeling as 2007 came to an end. I prayed, and felt a lot of comfort. I knew there would be difficulties, but that a lot of blessings would come from them. I also have some great memories.

In a trip to New York City with Sara and Rachael, I experienced the absolute immensity of the city life. I love being in cities. The atmosphere, the sounds, the smells. When I am in cities, I realize how small I am in the world. I get completely lost in the vastness of the crowds and buildings.

I also got my first, and most likely not last, tattoo. It didn't hurt too bad, and I love that it will always be there. It's a great reminder of what I stand for, and the type of person I want to be; to live a Christ-centered life.

When I got back to school, I don't know what it was, but I fell in love with Amanda. There were a lot of things that happened before we ended up together, but all of those things aside, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She is a beautiful, amazing girl, and she encourages and inspires me to reach my potential. There will never be a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her.

I shot a lot of guns in 2008. Women bond a lot over talking, to make a generalization, and men are more likely to do stuff together, or do things together. I've had a lot of fun with some great guys just shooting guns and having time with them. Josh, Mike, Kellen, Adam, Justin.. it was really great, and I can't wait for more opportunities.

The Gateway Clipper. Besides the bad DJ, it was fantastic. Easily one of my favorite memories of Freshman year. We all got dressed up, took a ton of pictures.. it was a warm night, with a little bit of a breeze, and such a clear sky. It couldn't have been any more romantic. Amanda looked stunning in her black dress, and it was one of the first times I felt completely comfortable dancing.

I had some great times just taking pictures with people. Like with me and Amanda at Twin Lakes, or during our walks we would go on, or just random photo shoots with Desiree, Mike, Amanda, Kalla.. I took so many pictures that first year at school, and I wish I had taken so many more. Heck, I wish I could buy some kind of DVD of those memories.

Leaving California felt so strange. I packed my car completely to the brim, it was bursting, lol. It had all gone by so quickly. I feel bad for some of the things I did or said to people, and I hope they don't hold those things against me. I know some people don't think much about some of those memories. Some wish maybe that they would never have happened. But I've always been the kind of person that just loves remembering those feelings. We had formed a family, and leaving that dorm room was really hard.

I won't forget the freedom I experienced in my Mustang. She was good and faithful to me for three years. I've done so many awful things with that car. I shouldn't even be alive, so that's a praise in itself.. I've learned a lot about responsible driving since then.

Adam and Bethany's wedding was beautiful, and it made me think a lot about my own future. I've always been a romantic, I'm definitely going to get married one day, and I really look forward to that day. Their wedding was in Ohio, and there was a lot of back-and-forth driving. I had forgotten my Ipod, and only had a copy of Coldplay's Viva La Vida to listen to.. for at least 8 hours.

One major change over the summer was my switch from my Mustang to my Kawasaki Ninja 500. I didn't have any idea how to ride a bike before getting it, so that was really risky. Luckily, I caught on quick, and absolutely fell in love. Now it's not nearly the same kind of love that me and Amanda have, but I do love that bike. It's just a fact. Again, it makes me feel so small. It enables me to see God's world.. to feel the wind against my arms, to feel the warmth of the sun directly against me. If you don't believe in God, ride a motorcycle. You'll believe.

I saw Amanda for about a week each month, and it was amazing to wake up each morning in a room next to her. One day I just decided to surprise her, so I rode my bike to her house and popped in her bedroom. She opened her eyes and thought she was dreaming for a little bit until she woke up.

A good bit of the slide show is from a trip that I went with Amanda and her family on. We went to Michigan, and to Minnesota. I remember feeling so blessed, that I was able to go along and experience it. The scenery was amazing, no camera could do it justice. During one part of the trip, me and Amanda walked across large rocks to get to a lighthouse. There were times during that hike that I would help Amanda, and I felt so close to her. To know that I could help her was a powerful thing to me. To know that I play a part in her life, it was something i hadn't really thought about in too much detail. I felt like a leader, like I could guide and encourage her.

I came back to Cal early and got involved in our Churches leadership team. It was great to be involved in something, and to see how God works. I now appreciate all that work that goes into making church and church events happen. Our pastor, Bryan Downs, really is an inspiration. He puts so much into what he does, and I've had a lot more time to get to know him.

Living in the house has taught me a lot about my future; both my weaknesses, and my strengths. Being around people constantly has showed me where I have flaws, but also where I can help others with their shortcomings. It has been great living with John and Kellen for the first semester,and second semester will not be an exception.

I have learned so much, but most importantly, I have realized how much more i have to learn. This was extremely lengthy. I don't think many will read through it all, if any at all, but that's not why I wrote it. As I wrote it, I came to relive a lot of 2008 and I realized how much I have to be grateful for.

This year has been harder. I've had to balance a lot of things, and figure out priorities. I realized how much God has in store for 2009. It was good for me to write this all out, and among all of the storms and difficulties this year has brought, I serve a larger than life God who has great things in store.

This verse was our class verse when I graduated from my Middle School, and I've heard it probably hundreds of times since. It has truly led me through dark times, and it will continue to do so. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Bring on 2009!

The Greatest Music Video Ever

Baby, Please Come Home

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

The Law of Human Nature

For Christmas, Mike B., AKA Mama Bonnonnono, gave me The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics. I love reading, and this book has seven books in it for under $20. I am more of a completist, and having those seven books separate is generally more of my style, but for that price I couldn't argue.

This morning I started the first of the books, 'Mere Christianity.' I was only a few pages into the first chapter 'The Law of Human Nature', and this quote really knocked me over:

For you notice that it is only for our bad behavior that we find all these explanations. It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry; we put our good temper down to ourselves.

Think of how true that is. I make conditional admittances like that all of the time. I'll admit to being mean, if I had some reason for it. When I hurt someone, it wasn't because I was being irresponsible with my words, but because I was tired, or stressed, or.. whatever else I can muster at the moment. And it's true, that I am more likely to say or do something irresponsible when I am not in the right frame of mind. But instead of taking responsibility for those things, and admitting that I was completely wrong, I want to place some of the blame on those other conditions.

So not only are we human in that we do wrong, but when we do wrong things, we want to blame something else. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Kind of like when our two naked ancestors were standing in a Garden, and God wanted to know what was going on.

And not only that, but then when we do good things, we want some kind of credit for it.

The quote is really so short, and some might even say it's simple and obvious, but look at how much I could dig out of it. This book is already making me very excited.

When Finals Week Ends, Life Resumes

Finals week ended just as suddenly as it had begun, and the Turnpike ride home began. I have to admit, I opted out of riding the bike during these months. I went out in the snow, and it was far too dangerous. The conditions made control over the bike an idealistic thought at best. It wasn't the cold that bothered me; it was the cold that bothered the bike. They just aren't made for the extreme temperatures.

So I carpooled home for Thanksgiving and Christmas break. Even though I don't have any transportation while home, it's still nice to be here. Of course I'll be working a lot and trying to get money, but the feeling of being home is incredible. I have taken far too much of it for granted.

I've been checking my grades online probably five times a day, it's excessive, but I'm just so anxious to see it all finalized. Even though I only had four finals, over the course of four days, it was just so stressful. I need to work on prioritizing those things.

Another semester has come and gone. It's always so hard to see the growth we make in life when we're in the process of growing. But after that segment is over with, it's obvious looking back why certain things occurred, and where we've grown.

Romans 7:21-25

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I'm currently going through Romans as my morning reading. This book is so fricken good. For the past several months, I've been going through the Gospels. After hearing so many good verses in STAND from Romans, I decided to go through it, and it was a great decision. When I stumble upon more good ones as my mornings go, I'll post them here.

It reminds me of the Flobot's track 'There's A War Going On For Your Mind.' All of us have these conflicting voices in our heads, not to be confused with Schizophrenia of course. It is kind of like that though. A spiritual Schizophrenia, maybe?

There is a war going on for our hearts, souls, and faithfulness. What is it that we are going to for peace? What do we run to when life gets rough?

I'm Just A Man (Under All of the Under Armour)

Well for the past week, the snow has really begun to hit Western Pennsylvania. Which is going to make for an interesting cross state adventure when I tackle the Turnpike on a heartbreakingly beautiful Kawasaki Ninja 500.

That's right Ladies, Gents, and the occasional cat wandering by their owners computer, my motorcycle and I will be heading out immediately following the conclusion of my Oral Comm. class on Tuesday. Google Maps is telling me that the journey is about 250 miles. That used to make my wallet cry. Now my wallet smiles cozily in my back pocket.

Yesterday, to take the trip seriously (as seriously as one can be taken on a 250 mile trek across a wintry North Eastern state) I bought myself an abundance of Under Armour. I got fleece lined gloves, which fit perfectly inside of my already warm winter Walmart gloves, coming to a total of two gloves per hand. I also got Cold Gear leggings, which I will wear underneath my jeans. I'll also be wearing a pair of pajama pants in between those layers. My favorite new addition are my Under Armour socks which were made for winter sports. I consider winter motorcycle riding to be a pretty extreme winter sport, and so far my toes have never felt warmer. Lastly, I bought a Ninja looking mask to slide over my face and keep my head warm.

So that takes care of the cold. But what about the ice? What about the snow? What about the wintry elements?! Well.. I'm not entirely sure. Today after my last class I will be riding out to test my new purchases to see if 1) Under Armour is all it's cracked up to be and 2) to see how many more precautions I'm going to take in order to make it a safe and enjoyable ride.

Indeed, this will be a November to remember.

Wrestling with God

Lately, I've become really bad with answering my phone. Which annoys people who can only call me or be called. So after probably a couple hundred attempts to call me, me and my friend worked out a time I could call her. A while into the conversation, she hit me with a question that really should have had an obvious answer; "Are you still a Christian?"

She was asking because many of her friends had begun to fall away.

My mind was trying to respond. That's what hit me. I had to think about that? I guess I was overtaken by the Peter Syndrome. No I didn't openly or publicly deny my Lord, but my body was so slow to admit there was One that ruled over it.

The truth is I felt ashamed. Ashamed to call Christ my Lord, because I have experienced his deep love and grace. But more personally, I have experienced my own failures. I have lived in the muck and mire of life, instead of in the joyous presence of being loved by a God whose grace knows no bounds. It's so easy to say we would not deny our Lord, not in the way Peter did. But every day we deny Him. I have selfish, heartless, downright evil desires.

Just so you know, I'm classifying 'evil' as anything contrary to God. Anything that tears at the fabric of my faith is evil, anything that elevates me above God is evil.

An authentic faith is something I want. A seat in the home of God is something I desire. But when such a simple question is asked, and our first thought is hesitance due to our sin, I think that's shifting the focus from my Almighty to my own atrocities. What then has become the lord of my life? A motivation of God-given grace? Or one of guilt?

Whats the focus? Because that is ultimately where we will end up.

There is more to this story though. There is a powerful redemption. We are all prodigal sons and daughters. And there is one far greater who desires that we allow Him to lift us from our grave, into his grace. Are we living as if we are filled with a living Christ? Or are we living as if He never rose, as if His body still lays in the tomb. I know my life has a mixture of both. Some days I live as if He is my everything. And then other days, I live as the crowd chanting "Crucify Him!"; as the soldiers taunting His body on the cross; as the disciples who fled Him in the Garden.

But while our God is completely filled with perfect love and grace, He is also one about commitment. And that is what we wrestle with each day. The chance comes to give Him glory, but what is our reply? Peter denied Him openly, and went on to lead a revival in His name. That is an amazing story of God's work in his life. Adam and Eve both denied Him through their loyalties, and all of creation is wrought with sorrow. How will my story be told? How will my faith make a difference? I need to soak myself in the endless rivers of God's grace, and quit trying the straight and narrow alone, because I am a child of an all-powerful, all-loving Father. Time to live it!

Some books that I love that tackle these issues are; Velvet Elvis (Rob Bell), Searching for God Knows What (Donald Miller) Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller), and Sex Sushi & Salvation (Christopher George).